Hahaha so true!
Seems easy right.
Each day we sit and say, “today I will be completely honest.”
Then, by the first ten minutes we are lying.
We say that person couldn’t handle the truth, or I don’t want to hurt their feelings. Maybe it was the nice thing to do, lie that is.
How many people can say they are totally honest? All the time? No matter the situation?
No one could. I sure can’t.
So my challenge this weeks, is this: To be honest, in difficult situations.
I mean, if your friend asks you to help in their problems, be honest. Don’t just take your side.
If someone asks you a question, be completely honest. No. Matter. What.
My week starts today, because weekends are the hardest.
No matter where I go, people are angry. They are yelling at their children, family, spouse, and anyone who gets in the way.
To me, it’s not appealing. Screaming “fuck you” at the top of your lungs, is not something I want part of.
What I don’t get, is why should people act that way toward people they supposedly love?
When a mother screams “fuck you, you piece of shit” at her child, what does that say about her?
That child is going to grow up, thinking that’s what love looks like.
That is the saddest thing I’ve ever seen. I mean a child is sitting there taking this, they can’t fight back.
If they fight back, it just gets worse. I wish that the parents who do this, would no longer get parental rights.
Most people think bullies are in school. Some of the biggest bullies are at home, called parents.
I am selfish. I admit it.
I am also scared. I admit that too.
I am about to be twenty years old, and I have no clue about anything.
My life is a mess. I am talking about class three hurricanes, clean up on isle three, this is insane.
Let me lay it out for you, I am almost twenty and I am still a virgin. Yes, that’s right, a virgin. In this society I am like a unicorn, or a person with common sense.
I believe in God, and I am a Christian. I have had the opportunity to have sex, so that is not the issue. The issue, I am selfish. Well, that is what I call it.
The way I was raised and informed about sex, was that it was no big deal. My sisters were pregnant out of wedlock. They were eighteen and nineteen, and single mothers.
As I was maturing, I got a boyfriend. An older boyfriend by four years, and it wasn’t a big deal. Well, considering I was fifteen maybe it was.
Long story short, he wanted sex. After a while, I was willing to give in.
Then, that life changing night, was life changing in a different way.
I admit it, I was terrified. Right before the stripping down part, I remember the condom.
So I asked where it was, and he said it was in his truck. As he went to go get it, I was freaking out.
As I laid there, I did something I never thought I would.
“God, I don’t know if you’re real. But God, if you are up there and you care about me, please, please get me out of this. I don’t care how, just please get me out of this. Just don’t kill me, just please. In Jesus name amen.”
So after I prayed, five minutes turned to ten and then twenty. He came back into the room, slammed the door, and laid in bed.
I asked what happened, and he said the condom was too small.
I didn’t argue. I just said oh, and told him I was going to take a shower.
I went to the bathroom, turned on the shower and cried for two hours.
What I couldn’t figure out is why he just hadn’t went to the gas station across the street.
I knew three things.
1. God is real.
2. He saved me from the situation.
3. I had to make a pact, a pact with God. That I will wait until marriage, so I never feel this way again.
My issue, now as I get older I want to have sex. I mean, I really do. Every time I try, it never goes through.
I mean, I have tried.
What in the world, do I do?
I want to have sex. But I made a pact. A part of me feels like if I do this before I’m married, I will go to hell.
I know that is a bit extreme, but I am extreme.
Am I crazy? Should I just suck it up, and do it already?
There is always a moment, just one. In that moment, we are who we are truly meant to be. In that moment, there is no looking back. That moment is pure bliss, or complete terror.
I believe we were put here by God, and he had all of our lives planned out and waiting for us. I don’t think any experience, just happened by chance. I say, he wanted us to have that moment. Experience it, just as it is. For all the raw and undefined beauty of the world.
Honestly, I sit and think about all the things I would like to have experienced by now. Then I plan to go and do them, but only some of them happen. Have you ever planned on something, and no matter what you did, it just didn’t work out? Then maybe a month later, you are able to do it, and you are so glad you waited.
I feel like that is God’s Plan.
Yes, I’ve had times where I can’t for the life of me, figure out why I am where I am in life. Those moments where inspiration strikes, yet you can’t build a thing. I hate those, but I have to keep thinking, “all in God’s time.”
What has been something you wish you could’ve done, and haven’t gotten the chance yet?
I thought I truly loved this one guy. I mean I thought he was my end all. Turns out, he was a teenage love that I held on to because I was scared of being alone. I know that sounds crazy, but it is true.
I was in a new town, I had no new contacts, and I was desperate. Me and my old flame kept in touch, and my new found loneliness turned into long distance romance. It was not the usual long distance romance either. We would talk for a hour or so, say how much we missed each other, how I should come back, yadda yadda. This was the usual, but here is the catch. He would date other women, and still tell me I was his love. We were never in a relationship; it was just something we had created for our own loneliness. I believe we had two versions: His and Mine. Each of them worked together, never crumbling. No matter who I dated, I still had him. It was the same with me.
I had low points, where I really needed him, and he was there. I could call about anything, and there he would be. It was like that most of the time, on and off. In the years we did whatever this was, we had time off. Time off is like, we would be talking one day, and then I wouldn’t hear from him for months, or almost a year. The time off were my low points. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what had just happened. I was a wreck. Not because I loved him, or we were together. It was the fact that he was my constant. No matter what, I could dial him right up. It was like being addicted to drugs, and then going cold turkey. What got to me was when he finally texted me after all that time.
It was like nothing happened. It was like I had talked to him yesterday, and the world was in full spin. Back then I was so grateful he was texting me, I never asked why he left. If I was smarter, I would of never replied. You live and learn though, because I went through that I learned so much. I learned that you cannot build a relationship out of the blue. That you cannot build a relationship when you are at your loneliest, or let your relationship have two different sides. Sometimes it better to be alone, than be dependent on something that will never work out. That will never make anything resembling a future.
With that being said, do not commit to someone who will not put you first. Do not date someone who had baby mama drama, or is expecting a child with someone else. Do not lower your standards for anyone, EVER. You are so much better than that. When you do find a man that meets your standards, try not to let everyone know your business. It just makes one giant heaping mess.