I thought I truly loved this one guy. I mean I thought he was my end all. Turns out, he was a teenage love that I held on to because I was scared of being alone. I know that sounds crazy, but it is true.
I was in a new town, I had no new contacts, and I was desperate. Me and my old flame kept in touch, and my new found loneliness turned into long distance romance. It was not the usual long distance romance either. We would talk for a hour or so, say how much we missed each other, how I should come back, yadda yadda. This was the usual, but here is the catch. He would date other women, and still tell me I was his love. We were never in a relationship; it was just something we had created for our own loneliness. I believe we had two versions: His and Mine. Each of them worked together, never crumbling. No matter who I dated, I still had him. It was the same with me.
I had low points, where I really needed him, and he was there. I could call about anything, and there he would be. It was like that most of the time, on and off. In the years we did whatever this was, we had time off. Time off is like, we would be talking one day, and then I wouldn’t hear from him for months, or almost a year. The time off were my low points. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what had just happened. I was a wreck. Not because I loved him, or we were together. It was the fact that he was my constant. No matter what, I could dial him right up. It was like being addicted to drugs, and then going cold turkey. What got to me was when he finally texted me after all that time.
It was like nothing happened. It was like I had talked to him yesterday, and the world was in full spin. Back then I was so grateful he was texting me, I never asked why he left. If I was smarter, I would of never replied. You live and learn though, because I went through that I learned so much. I learned that you cannot build a relationship out of the blue. That you cannot build a relationship when you are at your loneliest, or let your relationship have two different sides. Sometimes it better to be alone, than be dependent on something that will never work out. That will never make anything resembling a future.
With that being said, do not commit to someone who will not put you first. Do not date someone who had baby mama drama, or is expecting a child with someone else. Do not lower your standards for anyone, EVER. You are so much better than that. When you do find a man that meets your standards, try not to let everyone know your business. It just makes one giant heaping mess.